Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.
Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
PIG, n. An animal ("Porcus omnivorus") closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
EXCEPTION, n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc.
A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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