Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.
Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.
I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
Whatever it is, I'm against it.
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Budget: a way of going broke methodically
Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don't let the men know.
My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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