Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Only if the computers really love each other.
Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.
Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
Do you mind if I don't smoke?
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"
This would be a better place for children if parents had to eat spinach.
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.
You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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