Vetinari Quotes

• William: "I'm sure we can all pull together, sir." Vetinari: "Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.

  Terry Pratchett

  Men, Together, Cooperation

  "The Truth". Book by ‎Terry Pratchett, 2000.

  72 Copy quote

  Show source

• Technically, the city of Ankh-Morpork is a Tyranny, which is not always the same thing as a monarchy, and in fact even the post of Tyrant has been somewhat redefined by the incumbent, Lord Vetinari, as the only form of democracy that works. Everyone is entitled to vote, unless disqualified by reason of age or not being Lord Vetinari.

  Terry Pratchett

  Cities, Tyrants, Democracy

  Stephen Briggs, Terry Pratchett (2015). “Unseen Academicals”, p.13, Oberon Books

  53 Copy quote

  Show source

• Down there - he said - are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any inequity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathsomeness of the great sinners, but a sort of mass-produced darkness of the soul. Sin, you might say, without a trace of originality. They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don't say no.

  Terry Pratchett

  Dragons, People, Evil

  "Guards! Guards!". Book by Terry Pratchett, 1989.

  43 Copy quote

  Show source

• Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...]

  Terry Pratchett

  Mean, Minorities, Littles

  Stephen Briggs, Terry Pratchett (2008). “The Wit And Wisdom Of Discworld”, p.158, Random House

  47 Copy quote

  Show source

• There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny Inspirational, Opposites, People

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “Guards! Guards!: (Discworld Novel 8)”, p.177, Random House

  42 Copy quote

  Show source

• Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

  Terry Pratchett

  Men, Democracy, Ankh

  Terry Pratchett (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld”, p.38, Harper Collins

  36 Copy quote

  Show source

• And these are your reasons, my lord?" "Do you think I have others?" said Lord Vetinari. "My motives, as ever, are entirely transparent." Hughnon reflected that 'entirely transparent' meant either that you could see right through them or that you couldn't see them at all.

  Terry Pratchett

  Thinking, Reason, Lord

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “The Truth: (Discworld Novel 25)”, p.48, Random House

  39 Copy quote

  Show source

• The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.

  Terry Pratchett

  Mind, Males, Female

  Terry Pratchett (2016). “Seriously Funny: The Endlessly Quotable Terry Pratchett”, p.22, Random House

  38 Copy quote

  Show source

• Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself. The world would be a happier place if more people remembered that.

  Terry Pratchett

  Night, People, Dungeons

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “Guards! Guards!: (Discworld Novel 8)”, p.151, Random House

  32 Copy quote

  Show source

• Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.

  Terry Pratchett

  Gentleman, Tasks, Taxation

  Terry Pratchett (2013). “Jingo: Stage Adaptation”, p.17, A&C Black

  27 Copy quote

  Show source

• I must confess the activities of the UK governments for the past couple of years have been watched with frank admiration and amazement by Lord Vetinari. Outright theft as a policy had never occurred to him.

  Terry Pratchett

  Couple, Past, Government

  28 Copy quote

• Peace?' said Vetinari. 'Ah, yes, defined as period of time to allow for preparation for the next war.

  Terry Pratchett

  War, Preparation, Next

  Terry Pratchett (2009). “Unseen Academicals: (Discworld Novel 37)”, p.528, Random House

  35 Copy quote

  Show source

• And that's when I first learned about evil. It is built in to the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.

  Terry Pratchett

  Nature, Pain, Evil

  Terry Pratchett (2009). “Unseen Academicals: (Discworld Novel 37)”, p.312, Random House

  34 Copy quote

  Show source

• You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away.

  Terry Pratchett

  Men, Hands, Ifs

  23 Copy quote

• Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

  Terry Pratchett

  Long Ago, Pirate, Dying

  "The Colour of Magic". Book by ‎Terry Pratchett, 1983.

  28 Copy quote

  Show source

• Putting up a statue to someone who tried to stop a war is not very, um, statuesque. Of course, if you had butchered five hundred of your own men out of arrogant carelessness, we'd be melting the bronze already.

  Terry Pratchett

  War, Men, Melting

  Terry Pratchett (2013). “Jingo: Stage Adaptation”, p.108, A&C Black

  23 Copy quote

  Show source

• And when the Patrician was unhappy, he became very democratic. He found intricate and painful ways of spreading that unhappiness as far as possible.

  Terry Pratchett

  Unhappy, Way, Painful

  24 Copy quote

• It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists' houses and smashing their windows.

  Terry Pratchett

  Atheist, Turtles, Numbers

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “The Colour Of Magic: (Discworld Novel 1)”, p.103, Random House

  19 Copy quote

  Show source

• No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.

  Terry Pratchett

  Death, Memories, Remembrance

  Terry Pratchett (2009). “Reaper Man: (Discworld Novel 11)”, p.317, Random House

  39 Copy quote

  Show source

• Lord Vetinari lifted an eyebrow with the care of one who, having found a piece of caterpillar in his salad, raises the rest of the lettuce.

  Terry Pratchett

  Eyebrows, Pieces, Care

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “Making Money: (Discworld Novel 36)”, p.22, Random House

  20 Copy quote

  Show source

• Any sensible ruler would have killed off Leonard, and Lord Vetinari was extremely sensible and often wondered why he had not done so. He'd decided that it was because, imprisoned in the priceless, inquiring amber of Leonard's massive mind, underneath that bright investigative genius was a kind of willful innocence that might in lesser men be called stupidity. It was the seat and soul of that force which, down the millennia, had caused mankind to stick its fingers in the electric light socket of the Universe and play with the switch to see what happened - and then be very surprised when it did.

  Terry Pratchett

  Men, Light, Play

  18 Copy quote

• If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!

  Terry Pratchett

  Stupid, Religion, Lightning

  Terry Pratchett (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld”, p.4, Harper Collins

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander.

  Terry Pratchett

  Faces, Slander, Ifs

  Terry Pratchett (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld”, p.4, Harper Collins

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• I was merely endeavoring to indicate that if we do not grab events by the collar they will have us by the throat. -Lord Vetinari

  Terry Pratchett

  Events, Lord, Throat

  9 Copy quote

• I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

  Woody Allen

  Dying, Immortality, Achieve

  9 Copy quote