Funny Husband And Wife Quotes

• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  34 Copy quote

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• The relationship between husband and wife should be one of closest friends.

  B. R. Ambedkar

  Relationship, Friends, Marriage

  92 Copy quote

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  258 Copy quote

• Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

  Francois de La Rochefoucauld

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  59 Copy quote
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  A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

  Ruth Graham

  Love, Friendship, Relationship

  Ruth Bell Graham, Gigi Tchividjian (2009). “A Quiet Knowing”, p.42, Thomas Nelson Inc

  411 Copy quote

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  A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.32, BookBaby

  153 Copy quote

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• The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

  James Thurber

  Wedding, Food, Cake

  64 Copy quote

• What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.22, BookBaby

  10 Copy quote

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• When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Marriage, Girl

  Quoted in Evan Esar, The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949)

  35 Copy quote

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• A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Marriage, Funny Love, Men

  Ralph Waldo Emerson, Alfred R. Ferguson (1965). “Journals and Miscellaneous Notebooks of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Volume V: 1835-1838”, p.199, Harvard University Press

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• A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  In Newsweek 28 Mar. 1960, p. 89

  178 Copy quote

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• Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.

  Paul Hornung

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  51 Copy quote

• Love is a fever which marriage puts to bed and cures.

  Richard J. Needham

  Love Is, Husband And Wife, Bed

  9 Copy quote

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  Sacha Guitry

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.

  79 Copy quote

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• Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.22, BookBaby

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• Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

  Ogden Nash

  Inspirational, Life, Marriage

  Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”

  73 Copy quote

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• Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.

  Cher

  Love, Husband, Fire

  21 Copy quote

• A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.

  Elbert Hubbard

  Religious, Sex, Opposites

  Elbert Hubbard, Bert Hubbard (1923). “Selected writings of Elbert Hubbard: his mintage of wisdom, coined from a life of love, laughter and work”

  7 Copy quote

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• I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Marriage, Inspiration, Sleep

  921 Copy quote

• We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  "The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America". Book by Lawrence J. Epstein, 2001.

  33 Copy quote

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• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  Lana Turner

  Funny, Success, Hilarious

  1019 Copy quote

• Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  Quoted in Newsweek, 28 Mar. 1960

  30 Copy quote

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• God created sex. Priests created marriage.

  Voltaire

  Funny, Marriage, Sexy

  138 Copy quote

• Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  64 Copy quote

• A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  W. Somerset Maugham (2017). “Plays Volume One”, p.195, Random House

  12 Copy quote

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