Funny Commencement Quotes

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Fred Allen

Graduation, Education, Laughter

84 Copy quote
To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

e. e. cummings

Inspirational, Motivational, Graduation

"A Miscellany (A Poet's Advice to Students)". Book by E. E. Cummings edited by George James Firmage, 1958.

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Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.

B. F. Skinner

Graduation, Education, Teacher

New Scientist 21 May 1964

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Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Inspirational, Life, Success

103 Copy quote
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Henry Ford

Inspirational, Life, Motivational

137 Copy quote
The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.

Sydney J. Harris

Graduation, Education, Wall

Sydney J. Harris (1985). “Pieces of Eight Pa”, Mariner Books

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The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match. Each one of you is a fuse.

Ed Koch

Success, Graduation, Education

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Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Oscar Wilde

Graduation, Education, Time

Epigrams: Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young Sebastian Melmoth

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Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Inspirational, Life, Motivational

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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

Dr. Seuss

Life, Graduation, Confidence

Theodor Seuss Geisel, “Oh, The Places You'll Go”

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Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

Judy Garland

Inspirational, Life, Motivational

"Business Etiquette for the Nineties: Your Ticket to Career Success". Book by Lou Kennedy, 1992.

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To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

George W. Bush

Funny, Graduation, Humor

"Bad results?" by Nikki Sheehan, www.theguardian.com. June 11, 2001.

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A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

Francis Bacon

Inspirational, Success, Graduation

1625 Essays, no.52,'Of Ceremonies and Respects'.

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If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Derek Bok

Inspirational, Funny, Graduation

Attributed in Paul Dickson, The Official Rules (1978). An earlier occurrence, without attribution to any individual, was in Wash. Post, 6 Oct. 1975.

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You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.

Tom Brokaw

Motivational, Graduation, Education

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Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

John Wooden

Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

"The Wizard's wisdom: 'Woodenisms'", www.espn.com. June 4, 2010.

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A classical education enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.

Russell Green

Graduation, Work, Wealth

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Nothing worth knowing can be taught.

Oscar Wilde

Graduation, Knowing, Taught

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You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure.

Zig Ziglar

Motivational, Attitude, Failure

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Harry taught me that death isn't the end, it's the beginning.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Graduation, Senior, College

"Dexter: Popping Cherry". TV series, 2006.

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People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often.

Bill Cosby

Graduation, People, Use

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Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Steve Jobs

Inspirational, Life, Motivational

Commencement Address at Stanford University, delivered 12 June 2005, Palo Alto, CA

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You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

Dr. Seuss

Graduation, Being Single, Self Confidence

Dr. Seuss (2017). “Oh, The Places You’ll Go”, p.7, HarperCollins UK

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At commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards.My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombreros.

Paul A. Freund

Cute, Graduation, Squares

79 Copy quote
If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.

Robert F. Goheen

Graduation, Education, Learning

1961 Baccalaureate address. Reported in Time magazine, 23 Jun.

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