Funny But True Quotes

• To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.

  Lew Wasserman

  Forgiving, Company, Policy

  54 Copy quote

• Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

  Erica Jong

  Funny, Being Strong, Spiritual

  FaceBook post by Erica Jong from Oct 02, 2015

  135 Copy quote

  Show source

• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

  Albert Einstein

  Funny, Hilarious, Education

  Albert Einstein (2015). “Bite-Size Einstein: Quotations on Just About Everything from the Greatest Mind of the Twentieth Century”, p.32, St. Martin's Press

  359 Copy quote

  Show source

• I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Clever, Hipster

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “Epigrams of Oscar Wilde”, p.153, Wordsworth Editions

  532 Copy quote

  Show source

• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

  Margaret Mead

  Inspirational, Funny, Inspiring

  263 Copy quote

• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Hilarious

  257 Copy quote

• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Hilarious, Humorous

  237 Copy quote

• If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?

  George Carlin

  Death, Persons, Died

  George Carlin (2004). “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, Hyperion

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.

  Scott Adams

  Stupid, Degrees, Used

  9 Copy quote

• Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision-making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it? We take a day a year to dress up in costumes and celebrate fear.

  James Spader

  Funny, Life, Relationship

  "The Office: Spooked". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 2011.

  74 Copy quote

  Show source

• India is not, as people keep calling it, an underdeveloped country, but rather, in the context of its history and cultural heritage, a highly developed one in an advanced state of decay.

  Shashi Tharoor

  Country, People, History

  Shashi Tharoor (2005). “Bookless In Baghdad”, p.27, Penguin Books India

  83 Copy quote

  Show source

• When a hunter is in a tree stand with high moral values and with the proper hunting ethics and richer for the experience, that hunter is 20 feet closer to God.

  Fred Bear

  God, Sarcastic, Hunting

  78 Copy quote

• Dear America, I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana...You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out of your yard. We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large and, frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't.

  Chris Rose

  Funny, Humorous, Usa

  "1 Dead in Attic: After Katrina". Book by Chris Rose, www.huffingtonpost.com. 2005.

  49 Copy quote

  Show source

• I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!

  Eoin Colfer

  Mother, Dad, Said

  6 Copy quote

• I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one.

  Criss Jami

  Wise, Winning, Genius

  Criss Jami (2015). “Killosophy”, p.111, Criss Jami

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• In the fashion industry, everything goes retro except the prices.

  Criss Jami

  Fashion, Retro, Industry

  Criss Jami (2015). “Killosophy”, p.84, Criss Jami

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off. Because if not, how boring would that be?

  Alyson Noel

  Fundamentals, Crowds, Boring

  7 Copy quote