Are you running away from something?
Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species.
Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don't you have a slogan: 'Kill a cat and save a bird?'
During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.
Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you are deaf.
You can't have been here long, you haven't got a pot belly.
You managed not to get eaten then?
There's a lot of your family in tonight.
"It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." He later backtracked: "I meant to say cowboys."
People say after a fire it's water damage that's the worst. We're still drying out Windsor Castle.
We don't come here for our health.
We go into the red next year... I shall have to give up polo.
I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.
You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you.
A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now everybody's got more leisure time they're complaining they're unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want.
It's a vast waste of space.
If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?
If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort - provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.
We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!
It's difficult to see how it's possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.
British women can't cook.
Aren't most of you descended from pirates?
How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?
[after accepting a gift from a Kenyan woman] You are a woman, aren't you?
It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from school art lessons.
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