Classic Insult Quotes

• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Cute, Sarcastic

  56 Copy quote

• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Death

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.61, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  70 Copy quote

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• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  661 Copy quote

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• Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Mark Twain, General Press (2016). “The Complete Works of Mark Twain: All 13 Novels, Short Stories, Poetry and Essays”, p.922, GENERAL PRESS

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• That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

  Dorothy Parker

  Inspirational, Funny, Hilarious

  Quoted in AlexanderWoollcott, While Rome Burns (1934)

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• She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

  Dorothy Parker

  Running, Acting, Actors

  Dorothy Parker (2004). “Dorothy Parker in Her Own Words”, Taylor Trade Publishing

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• [on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

  Billy Wilder

  Life, Music, Sarcastic

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  12 Copy quote

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• He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Works of Oscar Wilde".

  28 Copy quote

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• He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea, and that was wrong.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Sarcastic, Work, Ignorance

  'Sybil' (1845) bk. 4, ch. 5.

  11 Copy quote

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• He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

  Hector Hugh Munro

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  Beasts and Super-Beasts (1914) "The Feast of Nemesis"

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• Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

  Russell Lynes

  Wise, Stupid, People

  16 Copy quote

• I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

  Russell Lynes

  Sarcastic, Wise, Insults You

  11 Copy quote

• This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

  Dorothy Parker

  Book, Reading, Beer

  Quoted in The AlgonquinWits, ed. Robert E. Drennan (1968)

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• He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up

  Paul Keating

  Running, Witty, Clever

  49 Copy quote

• He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebearers, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.

  James Reston, Jr.

  Hard Work, Instinct, Quaker

  6 Copy quote

• Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.

  Winston Churchill

  Life, Night, Firsts

  "Sticks, stones and custard" by Ariane Sherine, www.theguardian.com. March 6, 2009.

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• I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Life, Night, Play

  6 Copy quote

• Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

  Moses Hadas

  Witty, Clever, Humorous

  16 Copy quote

• He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

  Forrest Tucker

  Sarcastic, Nature, Sarcasm

  51 Copy quote

• He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

  Winston Churchill

  Life, Humorous, Vices

  Sir Winston Churchill (1965). “The Churchill Wit”

  68 Copy quote

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• If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

  Dorothy Parker

  Girl, Yale, Prom

  22 Copy quote

• A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Mistress, Disease, Embrace

  19 Copy quote