You can't believe your own hype, or your own worst moments. Neither is as important as knowing your "why." The harder the challenges are, the more this matters. It is a true gift that I'm so grateful for to my core when someone else sees and acknowledges my why. But you can't expect it or need it. Your ability to really see yourself can power you through.
When I think about work-life balance, I don't imagine it as a perfect day where I got to spend the exact right amount of time having an impact at work and snuggling with my kids at home. I never achieve that. But over the course of a month, or a quarter, or a year, I try to make time for the people and experiences I value.
Every day, possibly every hour as an entrepreneur, you do something that you absolutely could have done better with more time, more information, more experience, or more money - all luxuries you can't afford. So you do your best, and you move forward. The key is to see the forward momentum and not beat yourself up about how it could have been better.
I now look at the things I could have done better and instead of beating myself up about it, since I can't turn back time, I try to remember to ask myself, "what was this experience sent to me to teach me?" I think specifically about what I will do better next time, then I actively look for moments to practice for the next time.
My first thought in moments of darkness and doubt is, "Who can I call? Who can I share this with?" Connection and sharing saves me every time.
Figure out WHY you're doing what you're doing and remind yourself of it constantly. Every day, every hour. Hold onto that for dear life. But don't expect anyone else to necessarily believe you, or know what is in your heart.
I always tell people, don't worry about the haters, you are not a jackass whisperer. You have to be enough. You have to be your own validation.
The most important part of my mental self-care is knowing who to call for what kinds of help.
My best advice to working women is just try what you think right now will be best for you and your family - and if it doesn't work, then change it. And look for ways to cut corners to add to your sanity.
I've always had amazing women in my life help me with my kids. First it was my mom, and then a series of nannies and day care providers who were incredibly patient, kind, and loving. There is no blueprint - I think we all feel our way through it and just do the best we can, and it turns out that children are open to love from many different places and are pretty resilient, too.
The world is more flexible than you might think.
As a woman leader, I try to take every opportunity I can to do what my mentors did for me - engaging with young women and take them seriously.
Most of my mentors and investors have been incredibly smart, thoughtful men. I've had the privilege of being mentored by some extraordinary men who saw something in me and took me more seriously than I knew how to take myself.
I'm an Ivy League-educated lawyer, so you'd think the world wouldn't mess with me, right? But I've been paid $10,000 less than a less qualified man in the same role. I've had men I've worked with grab my leg or rub my back in ways that have made me feel uncomfortable. I've been taken off projects because I was pregnant, even though my pregnancies have been both been healthy and didn't impact my work at all.
Women in business, women in employment anywhere face a very different set of challenges than their male counterparts.
In my safe corporate job, I might have made one decision of real significance a year. As an entrepreneur, it feels like I'm making a decision every minute - I have lots of balls in the air, and so yes, sometimes I drop one or two. And for the most part, the balls are made of rubber and they bounce. So instead of carrying one ball very carefully, being worried that I might not be holding it at exactly the right angle, I am juggling hundreds, and I have to remind myself to appreciate all the balls I keep up in the air for every one that gets dropped.
The thing that I've learned about taking risks is that the key question to ask is, "If this goes terribly, what will happen?" Usually, the answer is that the world won't come to a screeching halt. Usually you can go back. Maybe not to the exact same job, but usually to the same type of job.
My family immigrated from Korea when I was four years old, and when I started school, I didn't speak English. I remember that other kids would blame everything bad that happened in kindergarten on me - I spent a lot of time "in the corner" because I literally didn't have the words to explain that it wasn't me!
Whether I'm traveling or at home in Seattle, my days rarely play out as it looks on my Outlook calendar - there's almost always something unexpected that comes up. But when I'm in town, my day usually starts at about 6 a.m., which is brutal for me because I'm really a night owl at heart.
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