Jo Coudert Quotes

Quotes about:

• It is rewarding to find someone you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being, but it is indispensable to view yourself as acceptable. It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital to believe yourself deserving of these things.

  Jo Coudert

  Self Esteem, Believe, Healing

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.131, iUniverse

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• You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. Of all the people you will know in the lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave or lose.

  Jo Coudert

  Self Esteem, Being Single, People

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• In order to plan your future wisely, it is necessary that you understand and appreciate your past.

  Jo Coudert

  Past, Order, Appreciate

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• You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self.

  Jo Coudert

  Inspirational, Being Single, Self

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.131, iUniverse

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• Every life is a dilemma that must be solved by the person living it.

  Jo Coudert

  Life Is, Dilemma, Persons

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.267, iUniverse

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• Many people, if they were to treat other people as they treat their spouses, would soon have not a friend in the world. Why it is assumed that marriage is more impervious to the effects of discourtesy than friendship, I do not know.

  Jo Coudert

  People, World, Treats

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• I saw one of the absolute truths of this world: each person is worrying about himself; no one is worrying about you. He or she is worrying about whether you like him, not whether he likes you. He is worrying about whether he looks prepossessing, not whether you are dressed correctly. He is worrying about whether he appears poised, not whether you are. He is worrying about whether you think well of him, not whether he thinks well of you. The way to be yourself ... is to forget yourself.

  Jo Coudert

  Being Yourself, Thinking, Worry

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• We find what we expect to find. We do not see the world as it is but as we are.

  Jo Coudert

  Expectations, World

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.29, iUniverse

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• If you defy the system long enough you'll be rewarded. At first life takes revenge and reduces you to a sniveling mess. But keep sniveling, have the madness, the audacity, to do what interests you, forget about your pension, and eventually life will say all right, we'll let you do it.

  Jo Coudert

  Revenge, Long, Risk

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.265, iUniverse

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• There is no way of steering successfully between a failed situation and a failed self except by stopping and taking our bearings.

  Jo Coudert

  Failure, Self, Stopping

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.70, iUniverse

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• What nonsense it is, this desire to be without limitations, this wish always to be seen in the most flattering light. We are anxious, not because we think so little of ourselves, but because we think so much of ourselves. We are anxious, not that we may appear in the worst light, but that we may not appear in the best light. Anxiety is born of self-consciousness, and it is alleviated to the exact extent that we can drop consciousness of the self.

  Jo Coudert

  Thinking, Light, Self

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.144, iUniverse

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• The cruelest affront is treating the person as exactly the person he is. We all long to be understood, but not for what we are. We long to be understood for what we might have been had all been for the best in the best of all possible worlds and, at the same time, to be forgiven for what we are.

  Jo Coudert

  Long, World, Might

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• It is one of those quirks of human nature that you love the person whom you treat well, not necessarily the person who treats you well.

  Jo Coudert

  Human Nature, Quirks, Treats

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.187, iUniverse

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• Examining love is like examining a stocking: if you hold it up to the light and stretch it to search for snags, any snags there are may well run and ruin the stocking. In fact, if I may fashion Coudert's law from Heisenberg's principle of indeterminacy, it is this: Love is not only changed by observation; it is changed for the worse.

  Jo Coudert

  Running, Fashion, Love Is

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.156, iUniverse

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• Men fear being used; women fear being used up.

  Jo Coudert

  Men, Used

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.170, iUniverse

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• It takes an enormous amount of energy, creative energy withdrawn from the total economy of the person, to hold a trait underground, and, unfortunately, needs and drives do not go underground alone; they carry with them useful parts of the personality, depriving it of richness and the possibility of a variety of response.

  Jo Coudert

  Personality, Creative, Energy

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.15, iUniverse

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• The people trying to change others can conveniently be termed the angry, while the people trying to change themselves might be called the guilty, although it would be just as descriptive to speak of the controlling and the dependent, or the paranoid and the repressive, or, inelegantly, the screamers and the criers. In some circles, attaching labels to people rates only a little higher than chicken stealing, because ... a label immediately ends attempts to understand the individual.

  Jo Coudert

  Circles, People, Trying

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.109, iUniverse

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• The unlived life is not worth examining. ... Self-awareness, self-examination, self-consciousness are for the quiet moments. In the arena they are paralyzing. The self must not be held out of the arena until living skills have been learned.

  Jo Coudert

  Confidence, Quiet Moments, Self

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• Most people ask of their friends that they understand them, but, on balance, I think I prefer a friend who understands himself.

  Jo Coudert

  Friendship, Thinking, People

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.257, iUniverse

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• The person who conveys, 'I am nothing. Make me something,' may all his life have people trying to answer his hidden plea, but their answer will be in terms of, 'I am trying to make you something because you are nothing,' and, thus, the insult will be embedded in the response. It will be heard just as clearly as the attempt to help. And it will be hated.

  Jo Coudert

  People, Trying, Answers

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.134, iUniverse

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• To live with the terrible truths about ourselves is the only way of not living them out. A need denied has infinitely more power than a need accepted.

  Jo Coudert

  Needs, Denial, Way

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.143, iUniverse

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• If a man has a sense of identity that does not depend on being shored up by someone else, it cannot be eroded by someone else. If a woman has a sense of identity that does not depend on finding that identity in someone else, she cannot lose her identity in someone else. And so we return to the central fact: it is necessary to be.

  Jo Coudert

  Men, Identity, Doe

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.177, iUniverse

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• If life is envisioned as a continuously running motion picture, the keeping of a notebook stops the action and allows a meaningful scene to be explored frame by frame.

  Jo Coudert

  Notebook, Meaningful, Running

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.99, iUniverse

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• We can win the struggle to avoid responsibility for our personal lives, but if we do, what we lose is our lives.

  Jo Coudert

  Struggle, Responsibility, Winning

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.118, iUniverse

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• At what age should one marry? As a rule of thumb, perhaps not until you are past the age of feeling strongly that you must marry.

  Jo Coudert

  Past, Feelings, Age

  Jo Coudert (2003). “Advice from a Failure”, p.209, iUniverse

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