I thought my mom's whole purpose was to be my mom. That's how she made me feel.
We lose things all the time. We lose ourselves every day. We lose our minds occasionally. But it's just a part of life, loss.
Pure memory isn't based on recall but rather involuntary memory that's in your body and your nerves.
I like the feeling of feeling my feelings.
Falling in love for the first time, and then the heartbreak of having it end, is difficult, but I don't think it would ever hurt as much as when my mother was killed in the boating accident. I feel a part of my heart has already been broken, and that place is reserved for mother.
Everything in your life is there to teach you something; you can be awake to it or asleep to it. I can't remember which master said this, but he said, when the monsters are coming, you have to let them eat cake. Feed them. The more you invite them in, the less scary they become.
I want people to think about the connection between mothers and daughters. I like the idea of continuity of life and generations.
I grew up around so many beautiful things. My mother's jewelry and purses - they're very much statement pieces. Again, that sort of over-the-top Russian thing where it looks like treasure. I always say to my husband, you don't ever have to get me another piece of jewelry. When your mother is this amazing woman, a North Star, sometimes you want a simpler presentation of yourself.
Being vulnerable has always been my way of dealing with my grief, from the beginning. Even before I knew I was that way, I cried it out all the time. I expressed my feelings.
Everything is in our cellular level. My mom's is definitely in my cellular memory.
I was always attracted to characters that were in some level of turmoil or suffering because I had so much of that in my own life and I wanted to channel it. I was always into darker things.
If I walk into my house and something is askew, I can't do anything until I fix it. It's so burdensome to live that way.
I'm much more of a minimalist. My mom was Russian, so she loved lots of jewelry and opulence and tons of paintings on the wall and lots of clothes. I'll buy one thing that I love a season and wear it all the time.
In the past I've always been the type of person to try and fit a square peg in a round hole. I can be very tenacious like that. But since I've had my daughter, I've found that I like the way life unfolds when I give the universe some space to guide me. It took me until my forties to realize that.
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