In my arms is a woman who has given me a Skywatcher's Cloud Chart, a woman who knows all my secrets, a woman who knows just how messed up my mind is, how many pills I'm on, and yet she allows me to hold her anyway. There's something honest about all this, and I cannot imagine any other woman lying in the middle of a frozen soccer field with me - in the middle of a snowstorm even - impossibly hoping to see a single cloud break free of a nimbostratus.
The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that’s guaranteed. And I can’t begin to explain that- or the craziness inside myself and everybdy else,but guess what? Sunday is my fav day again
Also, I sort of let my appearance go, to the point where I was maybe ten to seventy pounds overweight.
So I’m thinking this is the part of my movie where things appear as if nothing is going to work out. I have to remind myself that all movie characters go through this sort of dark period before they find their happy ending.
Did you ever think about all of the nights you lived through and can't remember The ones that were so mundane your brain just didn't bother to record them. Hundreds, maybe thousands of nights come and go without being preserved by our memory. Does that ever freak you out? Like maybe your mind recorded all of the wrong nights?
I feel like I’m broken—like I don’t fit together anymore. Like there’s no more room for me in the world or something. Like I’ve overstayed my welcome here on Earth, and everyone’s trying to give me hints about that constantly. Like I should just check out.
It hurts to look at the clouds, but it also helps, like most things that cause pain. So I need to run, and as my lungs burn and my back rebels with that stabbing knife feeling and my legs muscles harden and the half inch of loose skin around my waist jiggles, I feel as though my penance for the day is being done and that maybe God will be pleased enough to lend me some help, which I think is why He has been showing me interesting clouds for the past week.
I am practicing being kind over being right.
When she needed help most, she was abandoned--and only when she offered help to others was she beloved.
Life is not a PG feel-good movie. Real life often ends badly.
Your mother is risking a lot, because she believes in you.
There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself.
People can be cruel,' he says with a sympathetic look that makes me trust him even more. And right then I realize that he is not writing down all my words in a file, which I really appreciate, let me tell you.
I opened up to you and you judge me
Looking into another person's eyes for an extended period of time proved to be a powerful thing. And if you don't believe me, try it yourself.
Tiffany and I are great friends, and I appreciate all that she is doing for me now. But she is not you. I still love you, Nikki. And you can’t control or alter true love.
I think it's strange to live in a house with someone you cannot talk to-especially when that someone is your father-and the thought makes me a little sad.
When she needed help most, she was abandoned.
You want to be a good person, don't you, Pat?' I nod. I cry. I do want to be a good person, I really do. 'I'm going to up your meds,' Dr. Patel tells me. 'You might feel a little sluggish, but it should help to curb your violent outbursts. You need to know it's your actions that will make you a good person, not desire.
You better watch out, or you're going to be defeated by pessimism!
...I am now watching the movie of my life as I live it.
I believe in happy endings," I tell him, "And it feels like this movie has gone on for the right amount of time.
Soon I am seeing the blue-and-yellow flags that line the campus streets, and it makes me feel happy and sad at the same time to be back at La Salle--almost like looking at old pictures of people who have either died or with whom you have lost contact.
I am so happy. I am so impossibly happy.
I...have a woman in my arms who has suffered greatly and desperately needs to believe once again that she is beautiful.
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