The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.
The abstract intelligence produces a fatigue that's the worst of all fatigues. It doesn't weigh on us like bodily fatigue, nor disconcert like the fatigue of emotional experience. It's the weight of our consciousness of the world, a shortness of breath in our soul.
I realize that I was all error and deviation, that I never lived, that I existed only in so far as I filled time with consciousness and thought.
pg 9, "The consciousness of life's unconsciousness is the oldest tax levied on the intelligence.
Let's absurdify life, from east to west. Let us play hide-and-seek with our consciousness of living.
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