Old Age Humor Quotes

• Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

  Jim Davis

  Life, Birthday, Feel Good

  67 Copy quote

• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

  New York Times, 1974.

  55 Copy quote

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• Old age is no place for sissies.

  Bette Davis

  Life, Cute, Memorable

  64 Copy quote
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  You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

  George Burns

  Funny, Hilarious, Retirement

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  159 Copy quote

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• The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.

  Abe Lemons

  Retirement, Days Off, Trouble

  31 Copy quote

• Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

  Joey Adams

  Funny, Life, Birthday

  Joey Adams (1981). “Strictly for laughs”, A & W Publishers, Inc.

  72 Copy quote

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• Age is not important unless you're a cheese.

  Helen Hayes

  Birthday, Age, Important

  18 Copy quote

• Live your life and forget your age.

  Norman Vincent Peale

  Life, Birthday, Inspiring

  Dr. Norman Vincent Peale (2007). “The Positive Principle Today”, p.237, Simon and Schuster

  83 Copy quote

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• I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

  Phyllis Diller

  Cute, Birthday, Funny Relationship

  Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

  21 Copy quote

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• Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

  John Wagner

  Funny, Positive Thinking, Getting Older

  16 Copy quote
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  A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

  John Barrymore

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  168 Copy quote

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• A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.

  Dorothea Kent

  Funny, Eye, Men

  14 Copy quote

• The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

  H. L. Mencken

  Inspirational, Birthday, Wisdom

  H. L. Mencken (2009). “Prejudices: Third Series”, p.311, Cosimo, Inc.

  57 Copy quote

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• The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.

  Madeleine L'Engle

  Birthday, Success, Nursing

  Twitter post from Jan 3, 2018

  135 Copy quote

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• They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

  Malcolm Cowley

  Birthday, Missing You, Mind

  Malcolm Cowley (1982). “The view from 80”, Penguin Books, 1982

  16 Copy quote

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• You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Humorous

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  70 Copy quote

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  The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

  Lucille Ball

  Happy Birthday, Beauty, Funny Birthday

  179 Copy quote

• Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

  Maurice Chevalier

  Funny, Birthday, Health

  Quoted in James B. Simpson, Contemporary Quotations (1964)

  34 Copy quote

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• You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

  Germaine Greer

  Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness

  281 Copy quote

• The tragedy of growing old is not that one is old but that one is young.

  Oscar Wilde

  Time, Humor, Tragedy

  11 Copy quote

• Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're aboard, there's nothing you can do.

  Golda Meir

  Funny, Birthday, Women

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  22 Copy quote

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  The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

  "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young" (1894)

  91 Copy quote

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• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

  Chili Davis

  Love, Happy Birthday, Happiness

  108 Copy quote

• At 50, don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. Happy 50th birthday.

  H. H. Asquith

  Birthday, Getting Older, Age

  19 Copy quote

• Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.28, Da Capo Press

  40 Copy quote

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