Humour Quotes - Page 2

• The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight.

  Bill Maher

  Tonight, Comedy

  "Bill Maher: The Decider". Documentary, Comedy, 2007.

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• Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!

  Bill Watterson

  Running, Humorous, Water

  38 Copy quote

• A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

  Texas Guinan

  Funny, Life, Country

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  63 Copy quote

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• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Christmas, Girl

  135 Copy quote
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  Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

  Steve Martin

  Funny, Music, Dance

  66 Copy quote

• You'd be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever.

  Ernest Cline

  Funny, Life, Humorous

  "Ready Player One". Book by Ernest Cline, 2011.

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• A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

  Henry Ward Beecher

  Inspirational, Motivational, Attitude

  88 Copy quote

• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

  Emo Philips

  Funny, Humorous, Thinking

  63 Copy quote

• If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Wisdom, Witty

  Oscar Wilde “The Picture of Dorian Gray - and more”, Eighty Pence Books

  358 Copy quote

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• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  Sacha Guitry

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.

  79 Copy quote

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• I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is.

  Gina Gershon

  Love, Funny, Girlfriend

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• Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.

  Barry Cryer

  Funny, Laughter, Laughing

  54 Copy quote

• You don't stop laughing because you grow older. You grow older because you stop laughing.

  Maurice Chevalier

  Inspirational, Positive, Laughter

  122 Copy quote

• Not enough gets said about the importance of abandoning crap.

  Ira Glass

  Funny, Humorous, Enough

  37 Copy quote

• Wit is an intermittent fountain; kindness is a perennial spring.

  Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

  Kindness, Spring, Fountain

  7 Copy quote

• Laughter is very infectious, and why it should be so is a most interesting neurological problem. But it also has other, more physiological, benefits. Apparently it boosts the immune system, reduces stress hormones, massages the heart and diaphragm and engenders a 'feel good' factor.

  Semir Zeki

  Laughter, Stress, Heart

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• Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Dream, Witty

  "Sane Man". Documentary, Comedy, 1989.

  186 Copy quote

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• Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

  John Kenneth Galbraith

  Humorous, Standards, Concerned

  9 Copy quote

• The ironic humor comes from the distance between what we understand about ourselves and what is truly going on in ourselves.

  Robert Olen Butler

  Distance, Ironic

  9 Copy quote

• I had placed my stick on the table, as I do every evening. It had been specially made to suit my height, to enable me to walk without too much difficulty. As I was standing up, a customer called to me: 'Monsieur, don't forget your pencil.' It was very unkind, but most funny.

  Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

  Sticks, Tables, Height

  45 Copy quote
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  A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

  William Arthur Ward

  Inspirational, Life, Happiness

  110 Copy quote

• Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that Humour excites in those who lack it.

  George Saintsbury

  Humor, Savages, Curious

  George Saintsbury (1950). “A Last Vintage: Essays and Papers”

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• Sure, there's no 'i' in team, but there is an 'm' and an 'e'.

  Kevin Myers

  Teamwork, There Is No I In Team, Funny Team

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• Think of what would happen to us... if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.

  Thomas Lansing Masson

  Thinking, Long, Would Be

  Thomas Lansing Masson (1922). “Our American Humorists”

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• I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right.

  Billy Crystal

  Feet, Feels Right, Ifs

  7 Copy quote