Humour Quotes - Page 8

• FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs

  Ambrose Bierce

  Food, Science, Cooking

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.72, 谷月社

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• DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Errors, Method

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.57, University of Georgia Press

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• DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Disorder, Bowels

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.56, University of Georgia Press

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• HIBERNATE, v. i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of various animals. Many believe that the bear hibernates during the whole winter and subsists by mechanically sucking its paws. It is admitted that it comes out of its retirement in the spring so lean that it has to try twice before it can cast a shadow.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Retirement, Spring, Believe

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2418, Delphi Classics

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• HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Medical Profession, Humorists

  Ambrose Bierce (2011). “Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs”, p.663, Library of America

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• OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Astronomers, Conjecture

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.151, 谷月社

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• Faeries are not fantasy, but a connection to reality. Faeries are irrational, poetic, absurd, and very, very wise. Faeries say there is nonsense in dogma, and sense in nonsense. Faeries express themselves with high seriousness and low humour. Faeries are resistant to all definitions.

  Brian Froud

  Wise, Reality, Connections

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• RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Giving, Fool

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2492, Delphi Classics

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• PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Two, Shade

  Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Large Bold Edition”, p.238, ReadHowYouWant.com

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• MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Animal, Path

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.167, University of Georgia Press

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• LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name- liver, the thing we live with.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Heart, Science, Emotional

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.152, University of Georgia Press

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• LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Blue, Two

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2446, Delphi Classics

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• APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Physicians, Graves

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.12, 谷月社

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• BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Physicians, Body

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.22, 谷月社

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• It's definitely not true what they say about women wanting a guy with a sense of humour. What women mean is that they want a guy with a sense of humour who is really handsome. If a girl had a choice between Brad Pitt or me, she'd pick Brad Pitt. And I'm a lot funnier than he is.

  Seth Rogen

  Girl, Mean, Choices

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• The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together. Their top-heavy dignity is more touching than any humility; their solemnity gives us more hope for all things than a thousand carnivals of optimism; their large and lustrous eyes seem to hold all the stars in their astonishment; their fascinating absence of nose seems to give to us the most perfect hint of the humour that awaits us in the kingdom of heaven.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Stars, Children, Humorous

  "The Defendant". Book by G. K. Chesterton, A Defence of Baby-Worship, 1901.

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• I have tried to improve telescopes and practiced continually to see with them. These instruments have play'd me so many tricks that I have at last found them out in many of their humours.

  William Herschel

  Play, Telescopes, Lasts

  "The Herschel Chronicle: the Life-story of William Herschel and his Sister". Book by Constance Anne Lubbock, Caroline Herschel, 102, 1933.

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• Henry Kissinger is possessed of a truly superior intelligence, in addition to which he has two qualities which, unfortunately, many great men lack: he is able to listen and he has a very subtle sense of humour.

  Mohammed Reza Pahlavi

  Men, Two, Quality

  "The Shah's Story". Book by Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, p. 144, 1980.

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• It is the privilege of tale-tellers to open their story in an inn, the free rendezvous of all travellers, and where the humour of each displays itself, without ceremony or restraint.

  Walter Scott

  Book, Stories, Privilege

  Sir Walter Scott (1831). “Waverley Novels: Kenilworth”, p.3

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• The difference between farce and humour in literature is, I suppose, that farce strums louder and louder on one string, while humour varies its note, changes its key, grows and spreads and deepens until it may indeed reach tragic depths.

  V. S. Pritchett

  Funny, Humor, Keys

  V.S. Pritchett (2011). “In My Good Books”, p.42, A&C Black

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• I have been lately introduced to the famous Thomas Paine, and like him very well. He is vain beyond all belief, but he has reason to be vain, and for my part I forgive him. He has done wonders for the cause of liberty, both in America and Europe, and I believe him to be conscientiously an honest man. He converses extremely well; and I find him wittier in discourse than in his writings, where his humour is clumsy enough.

  Wolfe Tone

  Believe, Writing, Men

  Theobald Wolfe Tone (1893). “The Autobiography of Theobald Wolfe Tone. 1763-1798; Ed. with an Introduction by R. Barry O'Brien”

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• Truth and Beauty (perhaps Keats was wrong in identifying them: perhaps they have the relation of Wit and Humour, or Rain and Rainbow) are of interest only to hungry people. There are several kinds of hunger. If Socrates, Spinoza, and Santayana had had free access to a midnight icebox we would never have heard of them. Shall I be ashamed of my little mewing truths?... I ask to be forgiven: they are such tiny ones.

  Christopher Morley

  Philosophy, Rain, People

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• Taking the humour out of Dickens, it's not Dickens any more.

  Andrew Davies

  Dickens

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• He that cometh to seek after knowledge, with a mind to scorn, shall be sure to find matter for his humour, but no matter for his instruction.

  Francis Bacon

  Knowledge, Mind, Matter

  Francis Bacon (1765). “The works of Francis Bacon, Baron of Verulam, Viscount St. Alban, and Lord High Chancellor of England, in five volumes”, p.162

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• Children generally hate to be idle; all the care then is that their busy humour should be constantly employed in something of use to them

  John Locke

  Children, Hate, Use

  John Locke (1888*). “Some thoughts on education and an essay on the consequences of the lowering of interest and raising the value of money”

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