Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.
When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
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