I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet.
Carpe per diem - seize the check.
I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.
For a while you get mad, then you get over it.
Even mistakes can be wonderful.
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma.
Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?
or simply:
