Morticians Quotes

• A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

  Jean Kerr

  Jobs, Divorce, Friendly

  Jean Kerr (1965). “Mary, Mary”, p.33, Dramatists Play Service Inc

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• We are buried when we're born. The world is a place of graves occupied and graves potential. Life is what happens while we wait for our appointment with the mortician.

  Dean Koontz

  Life, Waiting, World

  Dean Koontz (2014). “The Odd Thomas Series 7-Book Bundle: Odd Thomas, Forever Odd, Brother Odd, Odd Hours, Odd Apocalypse, Odd Interlude, Deeply Odd”, p.1109, Bantam

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• People are strange. We're all morticians. Hey, what's on TV?

  Ric Ocasek

  People, Hey, Tvs

  Song: What's On Tv, Album: Quick Change World

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• I don't think closeted homosexual morticians have the market cornered on self-loathing or sense of shame.

  Michael C. Hall

  Thinking, Self, Loathing

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• A mortician can make a dead man look better than he ever did when he was alive. So churches like Sardis may appear very much alive when they are dead in the sight of the Lord. God knows the difference.

  Vance Havner

  Christian, Men, Sight

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• The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.

  Ogden Nash

  Physicians, Foyers, Alive

  Ogden Nash (1941). “The face is familiar: the selected verse of Ogden Nash”, Garden City publishing company, inc

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• The mortician interviewing the corpses

  Eugene McCarthy

  Corpses

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• There was something about clowns that was worse than zombies. (Or maybe something that was the same. When you see a zombie, you want to laugh at first. When you see a clown, most people get a little nervous. There's the pallor and the cakey mortician-style makeup, the shuffling and the untidy hair. But clowns were probably malicious, and they moved fast on those little bicycles and in those little crammed cars. Zombies weren't much of anything. They didn't carry musical instruments and they didn't care whether or not you laughed at them. You always knew what zombies wanted.)

  Kelly Link

  Makeup, Hair, People

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• Specialness as a primary mode of death transcendence takes a number of other maladaptive forms. The drive for power is not uncommonly motivated by this dynamic. One's own fear and sense of limitation is avoided by enlarging oneself and one's sphere of control. There is some evidence, for example, that those who enter the death-related professions (soldiers, doctors, priests, and morticians) may in part be motivated by a need to obtain control over death anxiety.

  Irvin D. Yalom

  Numbers, Doctors, Anxiety

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• MGM bores me when I see them, but I don't see them much. They have been a help in getting me introductions to morticians, who are the only people worth knowing.

  Evelyn Waugh

  Knowing, People, Helping

  Evelyn Waugh, Mark Amory (1980). “The letters of Evelyn Waugh”, Weidenfeld & Nicolson

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• Funeralese has had its ups and downs. The word 'morticians,' first used in Embalmers Monthly for February, 1895, was barred by the Chicago Tribune in 1932, 'not for lack of sympathy with the ambition of undertakers to be well regarded, but because of it. If they haven't the sense to save themselves from their own lexicographers, we shall not be guilty of abetting them in their folly.

  Jessica Mitford

  Ambition, Firsts, Chicago

  JESSICA MITFORD (1963). “THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH”

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• My stay in Camp Betty was the longest I'd been without drink or drugs in my adult life. [...] At first, they put me in a room with a guy who owned a bowling alley, but he snored like an asthmatic horse, so I moved and ended up with a depressive mortician. [...] The mortician snored even louder than the bowling alley guy - he was like a moose with a tracheotomy.

  Ozzy Osbourne

  Horse, Guy, Drug

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