But big people’s illnesses are always made to sound big. The simple shutting and opening of the royal arse-hole was made to sound as if the world was coming to an end.
I'd like to think that I'd helped people all over the world to question the things they otherwise would have accepted as the truth. I'd also like to think that I'd charmed them a bit with my lovely vocal stylings and the baring of my lovely arse.
One day, maybe not in the next few weeks, but certainly in the conceivable future, someone will be able to refer to me without using the word 'arse' somewhere in the sentence.
The only thing I wouldn't do is sell my arse.
I'll tell you what pressure is. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse. Playing cricket is not.
I've played hockey most my life and I've never been badly injured...Three weeks into curling I've got bone chips in both my elbows. I still can't lean on a table. I've even got curling injuries, believe it or not, just from falling on my arse.
All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
That is NOT the arse of a £7million player!
There are two things you can be certain of: dying and getting the arse as a football coach.
There's a gang of boys on bikes blocking the road ahead. They've got their hoods up, cigarettes shielded. The sky's a really strange colour and there's hardly anyone else about. I slow right down. "What shall I do?" "Reverse," Zoey says. "They're not going to move." I wind down the window. "Oi!" I yell "Move your arses!" They turn languid, shift lazily to the edge of the road and grin as I blow kisses at them. Zoey looks stunned, "What's got into you?" "Nothing- I just haven't learned reversing yet.
Lucy: I don't understand men. Nettie: What is there to understand? If you feed 'em regular-like and give 'em a bit of 'sugar' now and then, they're easy enough. And if they don't behave, you just toss 'em out on their arses. That's what I always say.
The best cure for racism is to have somebody shoot at you. Man, it does not matter then what color the arse is that comes to save yours-black or white, you're ready to give it a big fat kiss.
Destiny can sometimes be history coming back to bite you in the arse.
The greatest monarch on the proudest throne is obliged to sit upon his own arse.
Yeah, arrest that man on the crime of having 8 Chicken McNuggets stuck up his arse.
I do ride a bicycle occasionally, but not those stupid stationary ones you see in gyms. I do have one of those, I must confess, but its quite literally a pain in the arse, so I dont use it.
To plunder, to lie, to show your arse, are three essentials for climbing high.
A Halloween-haired, Sachsgate-enacting, estuary-whining, glitter-lacquered, priapic berk How dare I, from my velvet chaise longue, in my Hollywood home like Kubla Khan, drag my limbs from my harem to moan about the system? A system that has posited me on a lilo made of thighs in an ocean filled with honey and foie gras'd my Essex arse with undue praise and money.
A Duke couldn't have the arse hanging out of his trousers when meeting foreign diplomats. Actually even plain old Sam Vimes never had the arse hanging out of his trousers, either, but no one would have actually started a war if he had.
I always try to remember that praise and a slap on your back is only 6 inches away from a kick up the arse!
The other man's arse is always cleaner!
I've always wanted to kick a duck up the arse
I'm at the age where i don't have to kiss arse or play nice!
The word arse is as much god as the word face. It must be so, otherwise you cut off your god at the waist.
There’s no way I’m going to put myself through Sandhurst and then sit on my arse back home while my boys are out fighting for their country.
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