Johnny Carson Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Australia, News

• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Christmas, Sarcastic

• Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Happiness, Vacation

• I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Witty, Kids

• The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Money, Freedom

• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Life, Clever

• For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Death, Phones

• If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Time, New York

• The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Money, Husband

• Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Happiness, Being Happy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

• It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself".

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Kings, Singing

  The Tonight Show, Summer, 1977.

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