A true friend will see you through when others see that you are through.
The machinery of government is a vast series of interlocking hierarchies riddled through and through with incompetence.
Many an optimist has become rich simply by buying out a pessimist.
The advantage of modern means of communication is they enable you to worry about things in all of the world
There is no stigma attached to recognizing a bad decision in time to install a better one.
If the outcome is good, what's the difference between motives that sound good and good, sound motives?
Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are.
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.
Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions-everyone but a school bus driver.
Would the boy you were be proud of the man you are?
You shouldn't punish others for your own choices.
A free press is one that prints a dictator's speech but doesn't have to.
There are some men who in a fifty-fifty proposition insist on getting the hyphen too.
We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
When I want your opinion I'll give it to you.
There are more pretty photographs of women than there are photographs of pretty women.
It usually takes two people to make one of them angry.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
An optimist expects his dreams to come true; a pessimist expects his nightmares to.
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.
We are members of a strange species that devotes its energies to climbing the ladder of success in order to make money to buy things we don't like.
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