Jay Leno Quotes

Quotes about:

• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Money, Epic

  167 Copy quote

• This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people."

  Jay Leno

  Names, White, People

  23 Copy quote

• The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

  Jay Leno

  Inspirational, Funny, New York

  10 Copy quote

• We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get money, make them wear the company logos on their suit.

  Jay Leno

  Race, Car, Dresses

  10 Copy quote

• You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Relationship, Laughter

  96 Copy quote

• President James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand while writing in Greek with the other. I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

  Jay Leno

  Latin, Writing, Hands

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  9 Copy quote

• Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.

  Jay Leno

  Morning, Jobs, Yesterday

  22 Copy quote

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Christmas, Wise

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  102 Copy quote

• This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Two, America

  12 Copy quote

• Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

  Jay Leno

  Liberty, Irs, Libertarian

  8 Copy quote

• Researchers found a frog in new guinea that is so tiny, they believe it's the smallest vertebrate on the planet. It has the tiniest backbone of any living creature, except members of Congress.

  Jay Leno

  Believe, Frogs, Tiny

  9 Copy quote

• Britney Spears told an interviewer if she weren't famous, she would be a teacher. So thank God she's famous.

  Jay Leno

  Teacher, Thank God, Would Be

  4 Copy quote

• According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we'll never get there.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Thinking, News

  6 Copy quote

• If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

  Jay Leno

  Car, Making Money, Ifs

  6 Copy quote

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Life, Food

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

• In a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news-gathering organization in the World, will no longer use the term 'illegal immigrant'. They will now use the phrase 'undocumented democrat'.

  Jay Leno

  Moving, Organization, Phrases

  26 Copy quote

• If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Voting, Political Wisdom

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  14 Copy quote

• Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?

  Jay Leno

  Horse, Zebras, Thinking

  43 Copy quote

• And some sad news... the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited irreconcilable similarities.

  Jay Leno

  Couple, Massachusetts, News

  "The Tonight Show", July 24, 2006.

  5 Copy quote

• The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.

  Jay Leno

  Team, Names, Want

  15 Copy quote

• You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs.

  Jay Leno

  Men, Males, Ladybugs

  43 Copy quote

• Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag

  Jay Leno

  Red Flags, Taxes Funny, Example

  52 Copy quote

• For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber.

  Jay Leno

  Women, Tests, Firsts

  12 Copy quote

• Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help.

  Jay Leno

  Sex, News, Way

  4 Copy quote

• A new study says that working fewer hours can slow global warming. So you know what that means? President Obama's economic policy is also his climate change policy.

  Jay Leno

  Mean, President, Climate

  9 Copy quote

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