The best thing about being too late is that there's no more need to hurry.
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
Here is a guaranteed way to get more of what you want: want less.
What we really need is to realize how little we really need.
Forgive me now - tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.
Life is too important to be taken as a joke, but too ridiculous to be taken seriously.
I have no prejudices: all my irrational hatreds are based on solid evidence.
There's no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you've heard before.
At great expense, we have built a vast system of inter-connecting stupidities.
Communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with some of the living.
What happened to you could have been worse - it could have happened to me.
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.
Unlike most other people, I'm just an average person.
The task I've been given seems absurd: To wait here on earth until I no longer exist.
I have many unrecognized talents, but my faults have somehow succeeded in securing wide recognition.
My life has a superb cast, but I cannot figure out the plot.
To be sure of winning, invent your own game, and never tell any other player the rules.
Sometimes the only way you can win is to stay out of the game.
I've found the secret of happiness, total disregard of everybody.
Before i knew the best part of my life had come ,it had gone.
Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction
Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.
Not being able to do everything is no excuse for not doing everything you can.
Please don't believe everything you hear about me, regardless of how true it may be.
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