Dear IRS, I am writing to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.
Years are like candy bars... We're paying more, but they're getting shorter.
A whole stack of memories never equal one little hope.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
The world is filled with unmarried marriage counselors.
Though her husband often went on business trips, she hated to be left alone. "I've solved your problem," he said. "I've bought you a St. Bernard. Its name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!" She hit him with a waffle iron.
What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?
Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about...That always worries me!
There is nothing more attractive than a nice smile
I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
If you grit your teeth and show real determination, you'll always have a chance.
There's no sense in doing a lot of barking if you don't really have anything to say.
Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.
Linus Van Pelt: Well, I can understand how you feel. You worked hard, studying for the spelling bee, and I suppose you feel you let everyone down, and you made a fool of yourself and everything. But did you notice something, Charlie Brown? Charlie Brown: What's that? Linus Van Pelt: The world didn't come to an end.
Beauty Tips - How to Look Younger: Don't be born so soon.
It doesn't matter what you believe just so long as you're sincere.
Don't be a leaf... Be a tree!
Security is a thumb and a blanket. Happiness is a warm puppy.
Goodbys always make my throat hurt... I need more hellos.
If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.
My anxieties have anxieties.
There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people...religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin!
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