Funny Beer Quotes - Page 3

• If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

  Clement Freud

  Funny, Witty, Giving Up

  Quoted in Observer (London), 27 Dec. 1964.

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• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

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• When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

  Brian O'Rourke

  Food, Fall, Drinking

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  Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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• Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

  Henry Lawson

  Party, Drinking, Beer

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• I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

  Jack Lemmon

  Funny, Music, Morning

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• I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night

  Benjamin Franklin

  Morning, Beer, Night

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• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

  Dave Barry

  Fun, Drinking, Book

  "Vegetable Magnetism" by Dave Barry, www.washingtonpost.com. March 17, 1991.

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• Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.

  Frederick The Great

  Drinking, Coffee, Beer

  "Alcohol in the Western World" by Bert L. Vallée, Scientific American, Volume 278, No. 6, pp. 80-85, ru.scribd.com. June 1998.

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• You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

  Adolphus Busch

  Money, Humorous, Drinking

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• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Country, Real, Drinking

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

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• Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand.

  Fritz Maytag

  Humorous, Beer, Doe

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• Beer's intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.

  Ray Bradbury

  Drinking, Beer, Intellectual

  Ray Bradbury (1955). “THE OCTOBER COUNTRY”

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• Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Motivational, Drinking, Beer

  The Devil's Dictionary

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• When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

  Matt Groening

  Life, Hilarious, Bottles

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• The human intellect owes its superiority over that of the lower animals in great measure to the stimulus which alcohol has given imagination.

  Samuel Butler

  Beer, Animal, Imagination

  Samuel Butler (2015). “Delphi Complete Works of Samuel Butler (Illustrated)”, p.1732, Delphi Classics

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• Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

  Lord Byron

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  'Don Juan' (1819-24) canto 2, st. 179

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• Buy a man a beer, and he wastes an hour. Teach a man to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.

  Charlie Papazian

  Beer, Men, Waste

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• When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?

  J. P. Donleavy

  Funny, Death, Beer

  Ginger Man (1955) ch. 31

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• A man who lies about beer makes enemies.

  Stephen King

  Funny, Lying, Beer

  Stephen King (2014). “Pet Sematary”, p.26, Simon and Schuster

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• Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

  Homer

  Kids, Beer, Son

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• Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow

  Marcus Tullius Cicero

  Beer, Sorrow, Drink

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• Some people wanted champagne and caviar when they should have had beer and hot dogs.

  Dwight D. Eisenhower

  Inspirational, Success, Dog

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• I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

  Raymond Chandler

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  Raymond Chandler (2014). “The World of Raymond Chandler: In His Own Words”, p.87, Vintage

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• Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer's day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Summer, Beer, Men

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