People always say, "When did you know you were funny?" They don't mean that in a bad way - this already makes me sound like such a jerk.
That's a very nice, generic-sounding question: "When did you know you were funny?" But it pre-supposes that I think I'm really hilarious. So that's kind of a loaded question.
Did you know that Nuremberg courtroom was designed so that the Allies could project movies during the trial? And, also so that they could film the trial? The first movies that were shown were prepared by John Ford - a compilation of material from the liberation of Bergen-Belsen and Dachau. But here comes an interesting part. Did you know they lit (using fluorescent tubes) the defendants so they could be filmed watching the films that were shown during the trial?
People think "The Office" was improvised, but it's all on the page. We do that because what we found is that in the early days of "The Office," we went in with it sort of 80 percent scripted and we did some things and then we improv'd and we did - you know, and it gets a laugh on the floor because it's the first time they've heard it.
One thing I've experienced and I feel really grateful for now that I'm on my way out is that I felt that the justices gave that back to me. I really did. You know, of course, you can have some sharp exchanges. That's the nature of the thing, and that's fine. But really in the main I felt like the tone from them was, "Yeah. We may not agree with you, but we're going to have a discussion about this." And it did.
Before I was a vegetarian, I traveled to South Africa and hung out there for a little bit. And they had different animals - did you know different parts of the world have different animals? Because I didn't until I got there! This is what being an American is like. You're like, "Every place has these animals."
I was more tuned into the assassinations, the riots that were going on, like in Watts, and, in fact, my summer before my senior year in high school I went on the Experiment in International Living to Sweden, yes, with a group of students , you know, leisurely discussion over the summer about, you know, where we were going to go with our lives, and how did you how did, you know, being a born-again Christian mesh with being, you know, a socialist from New York.
The people that say diversity is the reason for the greatness are purposely assaulting the United States as founded. They want you to believe that America was only great for a few people as founded, because, as founded, America was gigantically discriminating against the poor and against people of color and against transgenders. Yeah, I've read the Federalist Papers, you know. James Madison, he wasn't popular with the transgender group back then. Did you know that? You won't find the word. It was not a factor, the way they have attempted to modernize things here today. It's just lies.
Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.
Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans.
Did you know hemp is a natural fiber
Did you know that they introduced the 15 percent flat tax on individual and corporate income in Iraq? Something that some politicians very much wanted to push in the United States without success but in Iraq they do it.
The more Discovery Channel you watch, the less chance you have of ever meeting a woman. Because it fills your head with odd facts that can come out at any moment. "Hello. Did you know Hitler was ticklish? That sea otters have four nipples? Wait - don't run away!"
Did you know you could kill a person with a hatpin?" she said."I did not," he said. "Do you speak from experience? Have you murdered anybody? Not that I'd dream of criticizing.
Did you know that Jacques Benveniste, one of the world's leading homeopathic 'scientists', now claims that you can email homeopathic remedies? Yeah, see, what you do is you can take the 'memory' of the diluted substance out of the water electromagnetically, put it on your computer, email it, and play it back on a sound card into new water. I mean, that could work, right?
Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.
I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, Did you know it's time for your annual check-up? No, but now my mailman does.
His skin was a pretty colour, it made me jealous. Jacob noticed my scrutiny. What?" he asked, suddenly self-conscious. "Nothing. I just hadn't realised before. Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?" Once the words slipped out, I worried that he might take my implusive observation the wrong way. But Jacob rolled his eyes. "You hit your head pretty hard, didn't you?" "I'm serious." Well, then, thanks. Sort of." I grinned. "You're sort of welcome.
Did you know the pen is stronger than the knife: they can kill you once but they can't kill you twice.
I want peace; yes, I'd sell the whole world for a farthing, straight off, so long as I was left in peace. Is the world to go to pot, or am I to go without my tea? I say that the world may go to pot for me so long as I always get my tea. Did you know that, or not? Well, anyway, I know that I am a blackguard, a scoundrel, an egoist, a sluggard.
What I did, you know, being away from my family, letting so many people down. I let myself down, not being out on the football field, being in a prison bed, in a prison bunk, writing letters home, you know. That wasn't my life.
Did you know that the black suited organization that attacked the Koresh cult was a United Nations task force?
Did you know destruction of the soul is not the ending to life: Fear not of the Antichrist.
Did you know, I'm still in love with this blue sky until forever and ever, eternally.
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