Bill Maher Quotes - Page 27

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• The media is all over this Oui interview that Arnold did 25 years ago. Now, he's admitted he smoked pot, had group sex and didn't mind dating a girl that was out of shape and kind of fat if she satisfied him sexually. So, his handlers have stopped comparing him to Reagan and started comparing him to Clinton.

  Bill Maher

  Girl, Sex, Years

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• Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control, you are birth control.

  Bill Maher

  America, Guy, Needs

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• Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't vie CBS an idea for another reality show.

  Bill Maher

  Cancer, Reality, Doctors

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• I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. If you look at it logically, it's something that was drilled into your head when you were a small child. It certainly was drilled into mine at that age. And you really can't be responsible when you are a kid for what adults put into your head.

  Bill Maher

  Children, Kids, Thinking

  "Scarborough Country" with Joe Scarborough, www.nbcnews.com. February 15, 2005.

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• Shouldn't we be against procreation at this point in time? With overpopulation and the strain on the resources on this planet? Shouldn't we reward people who don't spawn?

  Bill Maher

  People, Rewards, Resources

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• Do you want to know why marijuana is illegal? Because the drug companies want marijuana to be illegal. You see, if it came down to Prozak versus Marijuana, Prozak would lose.

  Bill Maher

  Marijuana, Drug, Want

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• When you hear a lobby called Partnership for a Drug-Free America, just remember - they do not want a drug free America. They want an America free of drugs that are their competitors.

  Bill Maher

  America, Drug, Want

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• Lip-synching?! Let that be a lesson. If you are in Washington, D.C., and you open your mouth and another voice comes out, it better be the NRA, an oil company or a bank.

  Bill Maher

  Voice, Oil, Mouths

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• If anybody is so mad at Vladimir Putin, you know what they could do? They could advocate for a gas tax. He gets all his leverage from selling gas and oil. If we had a gas tax that made that less palatable, he would be less of a player on the world stage.

  Bill Maher

  Player, Oil, Mad

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• Why is the AMA for 'Obamacare'? If this is going to hurt doctors, why are they for 'Obamacare'?

  Bill Maher

  Hurt, Doctors, Obamacare

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• Only 42 percent of Republicans believe Obama was born in the United States. That's an amazing statistic. How come in America Christians are the only ones who won't take anything on faith?

  Bill Maher

  Christian, Believe, America

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• How can the Republicans get away with picking their Dennis Kucinich, but when - if the Democrats tried it, all hell would break lose?

  Bill Maher

  Republican, Hell, Break

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• The people who got everything wrong are back on TV talking about the place they got all wrong? Cheney, Bill Kristol, Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle. It's like Satan's VIP list for Hell.

  Bill Maher

  Talking, People, Vip

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• It just seems like the culture war is over, and the gay kissers won.

  Bill Maher

  War, Gay, Culture

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• New polls show that Obama is now pulling away from Mitt Romney. And, of course, what could be more natural than to see Mitt Romney and pull away?

  Bill Maher

  Pulling Away, Natural, Polls

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• I think the reason why more rapists go into the military is the same reason why predators go into the Catholic Church. It's a place they know they can get away with it.

  Bill Maher

  Military, Thinking, Catholic

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• In the Muslim world, much of it, they cannot conceive of something coming out of the United States that wouldn't be sanctioned by the government, because in their countries, everything is sanctioned by the government.

  Bill Maher

  Country, Government, United States

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• There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic. If you can love it, why not me?'

  Bill Maher

  Nuts, Ipads, White

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• Gingrich is the "foremost intellectual" in the Republican party like Gene Simmons is the foremost intellectual in "Kiss".

  Bill Maher

  Party, Kissing, Intellectual

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• I want you teabaggers out there to understand one thing: while you idolize the Founding Fathers and dress up like them, and smell like them, I think it's pretty clear that the Founding Fathers would have hated your guts. And what's more, you would've hated them. They were everything you despise. They studied science, read Plato, hung out in Paris and thought the Bible was mostly bulls**t.

  Bill Maher

  Plato, Father, Thinking

  "Mark Levin Rips Bill Maher for Saying Founding Fathers Would Have Hated Tea Partiers" by Noel Sheppard, www.newsbusters.org. January 18, 2011.

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• What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America's parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of man-boobs. They were venting their anger and rage against taxes, which, of course, in most cases for them went down. Protesting their taxes went down, but you know, why let the truth spoil a perfectly good Klan rally.

  Bill Maher

  Party, Men, Perfectly Good

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• This week Sarah Palin's memoir became a bestseller. It's not even out yet. It's being translated into English.

  Bill Maher

  Week, Palin, Memoir

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• Being politicians, they all got to sharing their personal stories. Obama talked about his mother's battle with cancer. Harry Reid talked about a kid with a cleft palate. And John McCain told how he once carried a brain dead woman through an entire campaign.

  Bill Maher

  Mother, Cancer, Kids

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• The Republicans released their 'Pledge to America.' It's 21 pages of phony charts and bad ideas. Sarah Palin got a copy, and she said, 'How am I supposed to fit all this crap on my hand?

  Bill Maher

  Hands, Ideas, America

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• I believe only foreigners should run for president...Face it, the presidency is a lousy job. And who does lousy jobs we don't want anymore better than foreigners?

  Bill Maher

  Running, Jobs, Believe

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