Jay Leno Quotes - Page 29

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• As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and two presidents who could never quite explain how they got out of serving their country in Vietnam.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Nice, Years

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• North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war. You can see they're stepping it up. In fact, they released 10 more photos of Kim Jong Un looking through binoculars.

  Jay Leno

  War, Korea, Facts

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• How about this John Edwards thing? Imagine that, a personal injury attorney who turns out to be a sleaze ball. Who could have seen that coming?

  Jay Leno

  Balls, Imagine, Injury

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• Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is.

  Jay Leno

  Baby, Father, Boys

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• Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory.

  Jay Leno

  Children, Men, Nba

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• If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear Prada?"

  Jay Leno

  Devil, Doe, Would Be

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• Really? Anyone intimidated by Barack Obama? He can't even keep Joe Biden in line.

  Jay Leno

  Biden, Lines, Barack

  "Leno jokes target Obama problems" by Patrick Gavin, www.politico.com. May 23, 2013.

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• In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war on obesity, doesn't it? It's over! Apparently we surrendered!

  Jay Leno

  War, Chocolate, Buying

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• According to the British Journal of Psychiatry, marijuana can cause panic attacks. I don't know . . . The only time I have ever seen a marijuana user look panicky is when they are out of marijuana.

  Jay Leno

  Marijuana, Causes, Looks

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• A fitness instructor in Maine has been charged with running a prostitution business out of her Zumba dance studio. Authorities first got suspicious when they saw guys going to work out at a Zumba dance studio.

  Jay Leno

  Running, Zumba, Work Out

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• The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.

  Jay Leno

  Weekend, Catholic, Church

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• They always say the Miss America Pageant isn't a beauty contest, it's really a scholarship program. If that's the case, why don't we just put all the contestants on 'Jeopardy!' and pick Miss America that way? At least you get the smartest one.

  Jay Leno

  America, Missing, Way

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, White, Creating

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• Sen. Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy for president of the United States, called Barack Obama the first mainstream African-American who is articulate, bright, and . . . clean. I think we've seen the shortest presidential campaign in history.

  Jay Leno

  Thinking, Presidential, African American

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• According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought.

  Jay Leno

  Mean, Environmental, Magazines

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• Hillary Clinton's opponent in the U.S. Senate race, the Republican she's going to be running against, has been married three times, had an affair with his chief of staff, had two kids with her while still married to his second wife. This is the first time in history that a Clinton is the 'family values' candidate.

  Jay Leno

  Running, Kids, Two

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• General Colin Powell shocked a lot of people in Washington by speaking out against President Bush's policies, saying that the world is beginning to doubt the moral basis of our fight against terrorism. That's what I think he said - it was hard to hear him because he was being hustled out of the room to his cell in Guantanamo Bay.

  Jay Leno

  Fighting, Thinking, Cells

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• The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to Canada's Foreign Minister, Peter MacKay. It's gotta be awkward dating a fellow diplomat. Like today, MacKay had to promise Condi he would get permission from the U.N. before he invaded her.

  Jay Leno

  Gossip, Dating, Awkward

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• In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure, it may take another five years, but this is it.

  Jay Leno

  Night, Years, Lasts

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• President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it's talking about.

  Jay Leno

  Believe, Talking, President

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• An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is doing fine, but the bad news is, he can't stop throwing rocks at himself.

  Jay Leno

  Heart, Men, Rocks

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• John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more like one in a trillion?

  Jay Leno

  War, Hero, Speaks French

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• There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.

  Jay Leno

  War, Today, Casualties

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• Fox News has changed its slogan from 'Fair and Balanced' to 'See, I told you so!'

  Jay Leno

  News, Foxes, Told You So

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• It's casual Friday, which means that at the White House, they're casually going through everybody's phone calls and records.

  Jay Leno

  Friday, Mean, Phones

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