Augusten Burroughs Quotes About Children

Quotes about: Children

• The Schnauzer listens to jazz. I listen to jazz because he likes it, and I have even gone to jazz concerts with him, but truthfully I would rather listen to retarded children pounding on pan lids with wooden spoons.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Funny, Children, Likes

  Augusten Burroughs (2012). “Magical Thinking”, p.158, Atlantic Books Ltd

• Each time my mother went psychotic, I hoped it would be the last time. Afterward she would tell me, 'I think that was the final episode. I think I had a breakthrough.' And I would believe-for a few months-that it was true. That she was back to stay. Maybe it was like having a rock star mother who was always on the road. Were there Benatar children? Did they sit around and wonder if their mom's Hell is for Children tour was going to be her last tour?

  Augusten Burroughs

  Music, Mom, Mother

  Augusten Burroughs (2010). “Running with Scissors: A Memoir”, p.254, Macmillan

• As a child, I was never drawn toward depraved or extreme situations; I really wanted a normal little childhood. Unfortunately, that's just not what happened.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Children, Childhood, Racist

• Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Children, Brain, Knows

• All children should be loved, protected, nurtured --emotionally and intellectually-- respected, and never, under any circumstances, underestimated.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Children, Should, Circumstances

  Augusten Burroughs (2012). “This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. For Young and Old Alike.”, p.94, Macmillan

• My instinct was always have your gun in your hand. Especially when you are telling somebody to do something. But, in fact, the police academy discourages this. They feel your gun should rarely, if ever, be brought out of its holster. Most certainly not when children are involved, which is exactly when I saw myself using my gun most often. A truant teenager loitering outside a movie theater is going to be far more motivated to return to school when he has the barrel of a .45 pressed against his cheek.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Children, Teenager, School

• As I sat in the hot, salty water, I thought, 'No wonder Mr. Bubble always gives me a urinary tract infection and hives.' Mr. Bubble was for common people. Mr. Bubble was for my so-called brother, their true child. I was a Vanderbilt. I should bathe in condiments and seasonings.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Brother, Children, People

  Augusten Burroughs (2012). “Magical Thinking”, p.23, Atlantic Books Ltd

• I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Children, Ugly, Monkeys

  Augusten Burroughs (2008). “A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father”, p.13, Macmillan

• As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip, but I could not tell you for sure why they strapped Santa to a cross. Had he missed a house? Had a good little girl somewhere in the world not received the doll he'd promised her, making the father angry?

  Augusten Burroughs

  Girl, Jesus, Children

  Augusten Burroughs (2011). “You Better Not Cry: True Stories for Christmas”, p.13, Atlantic Books Ltd

• Never work with children, puppies or bulimics.

  Augusten Burroughs

  Children, Puppy

  Augusten Burroughs (2011). “Dry”, p.227, Atlantic Books Ltd

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