Doug Stanhope Quotes - Page 9

Quotes about:

• I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?

  Doug Stanhope

  Children, Freedom Of Speech, What If

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• If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.

  Doug Stanhope

  Needs, Favors, Killing Yourself

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• Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.

  Doug Stanhope

  Fun, Being Funny

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• If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.

  Doug Stanhope

  Fun, Poop, Piers

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• It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.

  Doug Stanhope

  Journey, Airports, Ass

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• The internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club owners deciding if they are funny or not.

  Doug Stanhope

  Comedian, Done, Clubs

  "Doug Stanhope on Alcohol, Politics and Killing Comedy Bootleggers’ Families". Interview with Joel Warner, Peter McGraw, www.wired.com. November 6, 2012.

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• I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.

  Doug Stanhope

  Boiler Room, Stuff, Rooms

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• You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

  Doug Stanhope

  Country, Speak English, Firsts

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• I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.

  Doug Stanhope

  Battle, Goes On, Ends

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• I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.

  Doug Stanhope

  Mother, Experts, Demolition

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• A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.

  Doug Stanhope

  Funny, Jobs, Real

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• Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.

  Doug Stanhope

  Punishment, Vices, Needs

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• There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.

  Doug Stanhope

  Car, House, Drug

  Source: www.esquire.com

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• The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen.

  Doug Stanhope

  Night, People, Bars

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• My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

  Doug Stanhope

  Mother, Dark, Comedy

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