Doug Stanhope Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.

  Doug Stanhope

  Respect, Men, Ease

  26 Copy quote

• Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?

  Doug Stanhope

  Morning, Thinking, Mirrors

  26 Copy quote

• We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.

  Doug Stanhope

  Gun, Thinking, Make You Think

  37 Copy quote

• Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.

  Doug Stanhope

  Beer, Waiting, Months

  28 Copy quote

• It's our flaws who make us who we are.

  Doug Stanhope

  Who We Are, Flaws

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". labs.imdb.com.

  26 Copy quote

• People want an idol. They want royalty. They don't want a public servant. Hell no. They want someone to clap for and go, "Oh, he touched my hand at the rally!"

  Doug Stanhope

  Hands, Idols, People

  22 Copy quote

• Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.

  Doug Stanhope

  Jobs, Artist, People

  20 Copy quote

• Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.

  Doug Stanhope

  Laughing, Insane, Faces

  13 Copy quote

• "Close your mouth when you chew." That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

  Doug Stanhope

  Mother, Wind, Lunch

  Source: www.esquire.com

  24 Copy quote

• The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.

  Doug Stanhope

  Catholic, Church, Body

  26 Copy quote

• The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.

  Doug Stanhope

  Thinking, Get Better, Wake Up

  Source: www.esquire.com

  22 Copy quote

• Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?

  Doug Stanhope

  Christian, Jesus, Sorry

  15 Copy quote

• When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.

  Doug Stanhope

  Beautiful, Asian, Degrading

  23 Copy quote

• Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD

  Doug Stanhope

  Color, Mushrooms, Bags

  18 Copy quote

• We must not suppose that, because a man is a rational animal, he will, therefore, always act rationally; or, because he has such or such a predominant passion, that he will act invariably and consequentially in pursuit of it. No, we are complicated machines; and though we have one main spring that gives motion to the whole, we have an infinity of little wheels, which, in their turns, retard, precipitate, and sometime stop that motion.

  Doug Stanhope

  Spring, Passion, Men

  15 Copy quote

• Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.

  Doug Stanhope

  Funny, Beautiful, Baby

  "Something to Take the Edge Off". Comedy album by Doug Stanhope, 2000.

  21 Copy quote

• Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!

  Doug Stanhope

  Funny, Baby, Humor

  "Doug Stanhope: Deadbeat Hero". Comedy, 2004.

  22 Copy quote

• I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.

  Doug Stanhope

  Years, Ideas, Bored

  12 Copy quote

• Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.

  Doug Stanhope

  Religious, Zero, Tolerance

  17 Copy quote

• The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.

  Doug Stanhope

  Baby, War, Excuse You

  14 Copy quote

• I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.

  Doug Stanhope

  Night, Men, Thinking

  12 Copy quote

• There are some occasions in which a man must tell half his secret, in order to conceal the rest; but there is seldom one in which a man should tell all. Great skill is necessary to know how far to go, and where to stop.

  Doug Stanhope

  Men, Order, Skills

  23 Copy quote

• You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.

  Doug Stanhope

  Law, Drunk, Ass

  15 Copy quote

• Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.

  Doug Stanhope

  Drinking, Sick, Alcohol

  53 Copy quote

• If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.

  Doug Stanhope

  Mean, Parent, Mouths

  10 Copy quote

Page 3 of 9

First

← Prev

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin