Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Page 24

• Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy.... Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one-the knowledge and the dream.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Dream, Disappointment, Moving

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.160, 谷月社

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• ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Independent, Men, Average

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.3, 谷月社

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• Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.

  Ambrose Bierce

  History, Gossip, Gauges

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• San Francisco is the place where most people were last seen

  Ambrose Bierce

  San Francisco, People, Lasts

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• NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Leadership, School, Nihilist

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.149, 谷月社

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• JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Kings, Utterance, Amusement

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• REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Hands, Action, Propensity

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.176, 谷月社

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• Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Food, Wine, Bottles

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2696, Delphi Classics

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• Twice – Once too often.

  Ambrose Bierce

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• No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Country, War, Men

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “A Son of the Gods and Horseman in the Sky”, p.17, Read Books Ltd

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• Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

  Ambrose Bierce

  War, Army, Thinking

  Ambrose Bierce (2011). “Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs”, p.568, Library of America

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• Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure

  Ambrose Bierce

  Dream, Assumption, Theology

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2734, Delphi Classics

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• An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Business, Men, Pockets

  Cynic's Word Book (1906) p. 24

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• MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Would Be, Size, Magnitude

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• RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Filters, Noses, Mouths

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.183, 谷月社

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• Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient

  Ambrose Bierce

  Names, Physicians, Gout

  The Devil's Dictionary

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• PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Gentleman, Church, Palaces

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.171, 谷月社

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• EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Sarcastic, Future, Raw Materials

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.61, 谷月社

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• RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Player, Politics, Dice

  Ambrose Bierce, S. T. Joshi, David E. Schultz (2000). “The Fall of the Republic and Other Political Satires”, p.235, Univ. of Tennessee Press

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• Congratulations is the civility of envy.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Success, Congratulations, Envy

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• The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Christian, Children, Humorous

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• ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Men, Voting, Choices

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.53, 谷月社

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• LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Son, Men, Illustration

  Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Large Bold Edition”, p.163, ReadHowYouWant.com

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• Worms'-Meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Granitarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.

  Ambrose Bierce

  House, Passing Away, Meat

  Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Super Large 20pt Edition”, p.475, ReadHowYouWant.com

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• Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Inspirational, Commodity, Neighbor

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2374, Delphi Classics

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