Christopher Moore Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.

  Christopher Moore

  Breakfast, Pants, Seven

  Christopher Moore (2009). “Fool: A Novel”, p.30, Harper Collins

  18 Copy quote

• The fact that 'A Dirty Job' has comedy and supernatural horror in it, that both are woven in and out of it with a whimsical tone, despite the fact that it's about death, makes it hard to characterize with standard genre labels - but I have no problem with that. I'd call it a funny story about death, and leave it at that.

  Christopher Moore

  Jobs, Dirty, Woven

  6 Copy quote

• Science, you don't know, looks like magic.

  Christopher Moore

  Science, Magic, Looks

  "Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings". Book by Christopher Moore, 2003.

  12 Copy quote

• What is your name?" asked Lear. Caius," said Kent. And whence do you hail?" From Bonking, sire." Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?

  Christopher Moore

  Names, Towns, Hail

  7 Copy quote

• Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?

  Christopher Moore

  Mean, Immortal, Stills

  8 Copy quote

• Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.

  Christopher Moore

  Hate, Kids, People

  "A Dirty Job". Book by Christopher Moore, 2006.

  5 Copy quote

• Confucius is like the Torah, rules to follow. And Lao-Tzu is even more conservative, saying that if you do nothing you won't break any rules. You have to let tradition fall sometime, you have to take action, you have to eat bacon.

  Christopher Moore

  Fall, Laos, Lao Tzu

  6 Copy quote

• Life is loneliness, broken only by the gods taunting us with friendship and the odd bonk

  Christopher Moore

  Loneliness, Broken, Life Is

  Christopher Moore (2010). “Fool”, p.32, Hachette UK

  12 Copy quote

• A woman’s magazine quiz: Question: You decide to do the dread deed and just as things are starting to get hot he comes, rolls over, and asks, “Was it good for you?” You: a. Say, “God, yes! That was the best seventeen seconds of my life” b. Say, “Sure, as good as it gets for me with a man.” c. Put a Certs in your navel and say, “That’s for you, Mr. Bunnyman. You can have it on your way back up, after the job is finished

  Christopher Moore

  Jobs, Men, Good As It Gets

  7 Copy quote

• ... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?

  Christopher Moore

  Jesus, What If, Important

  Christopher Moore (2009). “Lamb: A Novel”, p.388, Hachette UK

  9 Copy quote

• And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer. And should there be children from your beastly rutting, I shall have the Russian man cut them to tiny pieces and feed them to Madame Jacob's dog. because, although he may be only a worthless, simpleminded, libertine artist, Lucien is my favorite, and I will not have him hurt. Do you understand?

  Christopher Moore

  Dog, Hurt, Children

  9 Copy quote

• There's a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality--there's mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin.

  Christopher Moore

  Real, Grief, Sorrow

  Christopher Moore (2009). “A Dirty Job: A Novel”, p.10, Harper Collins

  10 Copy quote

• Regardless of its purpose, the humpback-whale song is the most complex piece of nonhuman composition on earth. Whether it's art, prayer, or booty call, the humpback song is an amazing thing to experience firsthand, and I suspect that even once the science of it is put to bed, it will remain, as long as they sing, magic.

  Christopher Moore

  Song, Art, Prayer

  "Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings". Book by Christopher Moore, June 3, 2003.

  13 Copy quote

• Like looking down on a lubricious chess set, isn't it? The king moves in tiny steps, with no direction, like a drunkard trying to avoid the archer's bolt. The others work their strategies and wait for the old man to fall. He has no power, yet all power moves in his orbit and to his mad whim. Do you know there's no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent?" "Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves.

  Christopher Moore

  Kings, Moving, Fall

  5 Copy quote

• Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong.

  Christopher Moore

  Song, Flower, Heart

  11 Copy quote

• The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.

  Christopher Moore

  Angel, Men, Years

  Christopher Moore (2009). “Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal”, p.29, Harper Collins

  5 Copy quote

• And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.

  Christopher Moore

  Pain, Rejection, Black

  Christopher Moore (2010). “Bite Me”, p.83, Hachette UK

  11 Copy quote

• We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.

  Christopher Moore

  Pain, Back Again, Again And Again

  12 Copy quote

• All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.

  Christopher Moore

  Trying, Knows, Ifs

  4 Copy quote

• Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.

  Christopher Moore

  Nice, Rehab, Lasts

  Christopher Moore (2009). “The Stupidest Angel (v2.0): A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror”, p.24, Harper Collins

  7 Copy quote

• He had risked his freedom and his pride to buy her this, to acknowledge that part of her that everyone else seemed to want to get rid of.

  Christopher Moore

  Pride, Want, Acknowledge

  Christopher Moore (2009). “The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror”, p.125, Hachette UK

  10 Copy quote

• The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.

  Christopher Moore

  Doctors, Waiting Rooms, Boring

  Christopher Moore (2009). “Practical Demonkeeping”, p.57, Zondervan

  5 Copy quote

• Normally if I met a guy who was unemployed and illiterate who hadn't bathed in a couple of weeks, I'd be standing in a puddle with excitement, but I'm sort of in a bad mood tonight, so take this bag and give me the fu**ing paper before I pop your head like a zit. He said, you're a lesbian, aren't you?

  Christopher Moore

  Couple, Giving, Guy

  9 Copy quote

• Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy

  Christopher Moore

  Pieces, Kind, Life Is

  Christopher Moore (2009). “The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror”, p.166, Hachette UK

  5 Copy quote

• They want to be tied up, I tie them up. They want to be spanked, I spank them. They want to be called names, I call them names. But try and drink a little of their blood, and they scream like babies. What about my needs?

  Christopher Moore

  Baby, Blood, Names

  Christopher Moore (2009). “Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story”, p.203, Simon and Schuster

  7 Copy quote

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