Flatulence Quotes

• When you're taxing bovine flatulence emissions, there's nothing left to tax.

  Mark Steyn

  Bovine, Taxes, Emissions

  Mark Steyn (2012). “After America: Get Ready for Armageddon”, p.115, Regnery Publishing

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• During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office.

  Dan Thompson

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

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• Inspiration: A peculiar effect of divine flatulence emitted by the Holy Spirit which hisses into the ears of a few chosen of God.

  Voltaire

  Inspiration, Peculiar, Ears

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• Do I suffer for my art? Well, I get a lot of flatulence when I'm nervous.

  Martin Clunes

  Art, Suffering, Nervous

  "Martin Clunes: 'Do I suffer for my art? Well, I get a lot of flatulence when I'm nervous'". Interview with Laura Barnett, www.theguardian.com. April 13, 2009.

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• Every schoolmaster after the age of forty-nine, is inclined to flatulence is apt to swallow frequently and to puff

  Harold Nicolson

  School, Age, Puff

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• Loving difficult people will refine us. Perhaps only in heaven will our love be so perfected that we can actually like these people, too. St. Augustine spoke of a man who, on earth, had chronic gas problems; in heaven, his flatulence became perfect music.

  Scott Hahn

  Love Is, Men, People

  Scott Hahn (2002). “The Lamb's Supper: The Mass as Heaven on Earth”, p.154, Image

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• I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s.

  Dave Barry

  Emotional, Maturity, Shoes

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• I've got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don't want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I'd rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before 'thin'. And frankly, I'd rather they didn't give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls.

  J. K. Rowling

  Girl, Daughter, Stupid

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• I think a lot of times dreams are nothing more than a kind of mental or spiritual flatulence. They're a way of relieving pressure.

  Stephen King

  Dream, Spiritual, Thinking

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• The tendency for politicians to claim credit for favorable news is as natural as flatulence in cows.

  Robert J. Samuelson

  News, Credit, Cows

  "No Shame, No Sense and a $296 Billion Bill". www.washingtonpost.com. July 20, 2006.

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• [To Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford, on his return from self-imposed exile, occasioned by the embarrassing flatulence he had experienced in the presence of the Queen:] My Lord, I had forgot the fart.

  Elizabeth I

  Queens, Self, Oxford

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• I wonder, whether, if I had had any education I should have been more, or less, of a fool than I am. It would have deprived me surely of those exquisite moments of mental flatulence which every now and then inflate the cerebral vacuum with a delicious sense of latent possibilities-of stretching oneself to cosmic limits, and who would ever give up the reality of dreams for relative knowledge?

  Alice James

  Dream, Giving Up, Reality

  Alice James (1934). “Her Brothers Her Journal”

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• The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day!

  Jessica Simpson

  Average, Each Day, Persons

  "Jessica Simpson says fiance 'keeps knocking me up': Most TMI celeb pregnancy quote?", www.foxnews.com. January 16, 2013.

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• I got to play a funny part [in the The Master Of Disguise]. There was one thing my character did that involved flatulence and laughing at the same time - that was in the script - and that was basically what sold me on it. I really thought, "This can't help but be funny." And when I saw the film, I was proud that I'd had those moments.

  Brent Spiner

  Character, Play, Laughing

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

  John Oliver

  Mean, Men, Doe

  "John Oliver On Facts, Donald Trump And The Supreme Court For Dogs". Interview with Steve Inskeep, scpublicradio.org. February 10, 2017.

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• We don't know what those other cycles were caused by in the past. Could be dinosaur flatulence, you know, or who knows?

  Dana Rohrabacher

  Past, Environmental, Dinosaurs

  "Rep. Rohrabacher: Global Warming May Have Been Caused By ‘Dinosaur Flatulence’". thinkprogress.org. February 10, 2007.

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• Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.

  Zach Braff

  Mean, Eyebrows, Fake

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• Foul and magical fumes bubbled out of the kettle, like the flatulence of a dragon on a demon-only diet.

  Christopher Moore

  Dragons, Demon, Foul

  Christopher Moore (2010). “Bite Me”, p.75, Hachette UK

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